Used to it…

There’s something to be said for turning 30… as unremarkable as my birthday was, I have noticed myself suffering from signs of old age. My body aint as tough as it used to be and my mind nowhere near as sharp. This past weekend, I’ve met many new people and I keep thinking that I should somehow know them.. that they are familiar but I can’t recall why. The last time that happened, the guy turned out to be John Key.. this time I think I’m just imagining things. Another sign of my forgetfulness is that I forget whether I’ve already written about this topic in the past or whether I’ve just been pondering it in my head for so long.

Anyway.. it always amazes me the capacity of the human spirit to persevere through what is sometimes unimaginable pain and suffering. Our capacity to ‘get used to’ things… for me personally, I was surprised at how easily I got used to not having electricity or walking for long distances to get to the bus when I was in Tanzania and conversely, how quickly I readjusted to having a car and being lazy again.

On a far far bigger level, I’m always amazed at the defensive mechanisms of the prisoners of the nazi war camps when I read testimonies and how they survived something that seems so horrible and unbearable to me through learning to acceptance and apathy.

My thought for the day is that this is yet another double-edged sword. Yes because this kind of adaptability can allow us to persevere through trouble and hardship but it can also dull us into apathy as well. Are you ‘used to’ seeing the starving children on TV? or seeing the homeless on the streets? What about violence and war?

I wonder even if it’s possible to be ‘used to’ to inspiration. If someone inspires you through something they do… if they keep doing it, are you still as inspired? or does it merely become the ‘norm’? Can you get ‘used to’ being a good person and doing good things that it becomes habit and there’s no longer any spirit or intention behind it?

Just another random thought for the week.

Same and Different..

Yesterday, I had a session with a careers counselor. As part of my VSA package, I get some sessions with a counselor whether it be for psychological, personal or career. Although I’d no doubt get some benefit from some psychological counseling I thought that some life coaching to help me figure out what it is I want to do would be a good idea.

As we discussed the possibilities, explored my values and my fears, I was surprised to find myself saying that I was afraid of being mediocre. Upon reflection, this is a funny thing to say because it kind of contradicts with my fear of being different.

I woke up wondering if this strange dichotomy is common to kiwis or everyone in general. We want to be the same and yet we want to be different. We want to fit in and be accepted but we also want to stand out and be noticed.

A balance must be struck. I’m afraid of living a mediocre life and being a mediocre person but I don’t want to be so different that I alienate myself. It comes down to a matter of security, predictability and stability as opposed to change, growth, and excitement.

I guess it comes down to self-determination. If given the choice between the two, I’d pick different over mediocre. I guess I’ve already done that by going to Africa… but that path is uncertain and the safety and security of a well-paid job is certainly tempting. I have to keep reminding myself that I must not become complacent and stagnant. I have to keep growing somehow.

I know many people who have chosen the path of safety and stability and who are very happy about it. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what path you choose as long you are aware and that that you’re making the choice yourself rather than blindly following custom or what everyone else is doing. Maybe this is what they mean by mastery of our own lives?

Do we live in a selfish society?

I recently caught up with a friend who I had not talked to for a while and it was a good catch-up. During this time, she said one thing that’s stuck in my head because I’ve been wondering the same thing for a while.. she said that everyone was selfish and that nobody ever did anything for no reason.

As part of my series of self-reflection and improvement over the past year or so, I’ve been working on Open Honesty. I’ve never been a very good liar, at least to other people so for them, it means, not hiding or avoiding telling the truth. I am however, a very good liar when it comes to myself and I think that being brutally honest about myself to myself is an important step to growing as a person.

One of those honest truths I must question is whether or not I am motivated by selfish intentions. Is it a silly question to ask? I believe it’s important to understand your motivations. You may think it’s a strange thing for me to be thinking considering I spent two years in Africa and my upcoming Birthday Sale, but I think that these things make it even more vital to question why I am doing these things? I can‘t deny that I get a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction from being able to help people.. is that selfish?

All wise teachings and all religions point to this ultimate goal – Being truly self-less and loving unconditionally. Agape Love. I wonder if I am capable of this kind of altruism, Can I help someone without expecting anything in return? can I love someone even if I know they won’t reciprocate that love?  would I be able to sacrifice my time, my money, my heart, or my life for someone that doesn’t appreciate it? I’d like to think that I am capable of it.. but perhaps that’s just another lie I tell myself. What do you think?

The real question is not for me but for you and society in general. Is this something you aspire to? is it one of your personal goals? or am I being much too idealistic in believing that this is something that everyone is capable of? I think we all felt bad when we heard the news about Dan Carter being out of the world cup.. the question is, did you feel bad for yourself because it meant your team would have a harder time winning the world cup now without him? or did you feel bad for him, because he had worked so hard and now would miss out because of the serious injury? I have to admit, my first reaction was about the All Blacks.. but then I realised what it must mean for him personally and how guttered he must be.

I still like to believe in the moral integrity of the human race, as misplaced and misguided our actions might be. If we are capable of the ugly crimes and destruction that we see on the news, we must be equally capable of truly inspirational love. What about a mother’s love? or a friend’s loyalty? a lover’s acceptance? I remember that I once told someone I thought that we were ultimately driven by selfish intentions and now I’d have no problems is someone wanted to prove me wrong. Preferably many times, just to make a point