Overcoming my sense of entitlement…

There’s a general recurring theme that I’ve noticed over the past couple of months and it’s about living with a heart full of gratitude and thankfulness. I’m reminded of this lesson everywhere I look.. in the books I’ve read, the posts on Facebook, the videos I’ve seen, the sermon in church and even the conversations I’ve had with people have served to remind me of this very important lesson. The universe is telling me something it would seem.

It’s a challenging idea because it goes beyond just simply saying thanks for when things go right, but having a genuine appreciation of things when it seems that nothing is going right. At a time when the inflow of rejection emails slowly erode at my confidence and when it’s so easy to get dejected and feel sorry for myself, this is exactly the kind of thing I needed to be reminded of.

It’s difficult to keep this perspective in a society where our egos are regularly stroked to convince us that we are entitled to certain things in our lives.. we deserve to have a certain standard of living, I am entitled to a good job after I graduate from university, I deserve a decent education and quality healthcare at an affordable price, I work so hard I’m entitled to a big pay raise.

Do these sound like fair and reasonable requests to you? I mean, you pay your taxes, you worked hard at university and at work. If you went to a restaurant and it cost you $50-100 for a meal it’d be reasonable to expect a certain quality of food and service right?

I’m realising that it is this kind of mentality and sense of entitlement that leads us to get angry or upset when things don’t go our way and protest the unfairness of life. It’s easy to lose perspective and forget how lucky we really are.

How lucky I am that I can afford to pay taxes and to live in a country where taxes aren’t siphoned away by corruption. How lucky I am that I can vote and that it will count. How lucky I am that I can afford to spend $50-100 on a meal at a fancy restaurant or that I was able to get a decent education and a decent job. Once I understand that this sense of entitlement is misguided, how can I not be grateful?

So lately, I’ve been trying to keep things in perspective and be grateful that I am where I am now. I’m grateful for wonderful friends and family, I’m grateful for each breath I take and each smile I receive, I’m grateful that I can still play sports and I can admire the glorious sunset on a summer’s evening. As I watch the news tonight, it’s all bad news and there’s a lot of bad stuff happening. I have to wonder if these things are happening to remind us of how good we actually got it. Call it god, call it fate or the universe talking or just pure coincidence. It’s a lesson we can all take from life.

Politics, Governments and Elections…

I always used to stay away from politics. It never interested me and I always disliked all the negative campaigning that seemed to go on.. plus it was always confusing as to what was being promised. As such I never really paid much attention to the whole process and I’m ashamed to admit I only started voting in the last election.

These past couple of years have really highlighted to me the importance of having a good government and the need to make an informed choice as to who we want to take NZ into the future.. because if we don’t then we have no right to complain if it things don’t go the way we want them to.

We have the freedom to shape our futures and as such we have the responsibility that comes with that. In Tanzania, the government has all the power and elections are rife with corruption. This is not just in Africa, how many protests and uprisings and upheavals have there been in governments all around the world just within the past year?

So I’ve been giving quite a lot of thought as to which party I want to support and which voting system is the best. It’s still rather difficult to comprehend and there’s no clear choice and it’s hard to really know who’s promising what. Still it has to be done so if you haven’t given it much thought, maybe you should? if nothing else you’ll have a valid excuse to complain when things go wrong

Throwing out some Ideas.. anyone interested?

Does a mute make a sound when he/she coughs? What if said mute was in the empty forest where that tree fell down?

Yes, I do think about things like that. Don’t you? Perhaps it’s a sign that I’ve taken too many antibiotics for my own good or that I’m not getting enough sleep due to this incessant cough.. or maybe it’s just who I am.

Those of you who know me well and even those who don’t really might have guessed that I like to ponder things – myself, life, philosophy, the world’s problems and even, the problems of a mute. Yes I’m a ponderer (it’s not a word, I made it up.) I like to indulge in the what-ifs and dream of what could be..  then that practical engineering part of me starts to wonder how I could make things like that work. So in saying that I’ve been playing around with some ideas for social ventures and I thought I’d put them out there and see if any one is interested in pursuing them further with me or just brainstorming etc. Here’s some of my ideas. what do you guys think?

UnderDevelopment

My idea of UnderDevelopment is an online platform to connect people in the developing world with knowledge and expertise from people through an online collaboration system. A hybrid system of online forums, wikipedia and seek.

The idea is that there are a lot of people in the developing world who have things they want to do but don’t have access to the right knowledge or skills and there are a lot of people like you and me who have the knowledge and skills and even if we only contribute like 1% of our time we could make a huge difference by sharing that knowledge to meet a need. The idea is that it’s an open database of knowledge that can be re-used.

A large part of the user base would also be NGOs. There are a tonne of different organisations working on the same big problems in their own way, there’s bound to be redundancies in work and knowledge. Imagine if there was international collaboration or co-operation and knowledge was shared quickly and effectively. It’s all about synergies. I hate waste and redundancy.

TheirStory

There’s so much power in a story. It opens up the mind to imagination and possibility and it breaks down barriers and opens understanding. Each of us have our own story to share and everyone can learn from it… but what if instead of sharing your own story, you shared the story of a stranger?

This idea came to me as a way of creating mutual understanding and respect. To write and share a story about someone else, you need to first understand and appreciate the uniqueness that is them. In the same way that you are the only person in the world with the set of skills, experience and personality that you have.. so it is with another person. I see this as a movement or a type of media platform. I think there’s potential here but I can’t see how to move it forward.

PersonalSpace

Imagine this. You walk into a round room and it’s split down the center with a café in the middle. In the middle is a simple café with good free-trade coffee and teas and clean organic foods.

To the left, there are individual spaces where you can sit down and be alone. There’s no cellphone coverage, no noise and no distractions. This is a place for you to rest, reflect and spend time on yourself and to be yourself. No one will disturb you as long as you are in your space. There are interesting books on all sorts of things for you to read and challenge your self-reflection or music for you to listen to to meditate. It’s your Personal Space.

To the right, there are several fireplaces and chairs surrounding each one. This is a space to be yourself but with other people. It’s a place of connection but it’s a connection beyond our race, gender, religion. It’s a place of equality and mutual respect where you can be free to be who you want to be. It’s just a place where friends talk around the fire.

If such a place existed would you go?

Used to it…

There’s something to be said for turning 30… as unremarkable as my birthday was, I have noticed myself suffering from signs of old age. My body aint as tough as it used to be and my mind nowhere near as sharp. This past weekend, I’ve met many new people and I keep thinking that I should somehow know them.. that they are familiar but I can’t recall why. The last time that happened, the guy turned out to be John Key.. this time I think I’m just imagining things. Another sign of my forgetfulness is that I forget whether I’ve already written about this topic in the past or whether I’ve just been pondering it in my head for so long.

Anyway.. it always amazes me the capacity of the human spirit to persevere through what is sometimes unimaginable pain and suffering. Our capacity to ‘get used to’ things… for me personally, I was surprised at how easily I got used to not having electricity or walking for long distances to get to the bus when I was in Tanzania and conversely, how quickly I readjusted to having a car and being lazy again.

On a far far bigger level, I’m always amazed at the defensive mechanisms of the prisoners of the nazi war camps when I read testimonies and how they survived something that seems so horrible and unbearable to me through learning to acceptance and apathy.

My thought for the day is that this is yet another double-edged sword. Yes because this kind of adaptability can allow us to persevere through trouble and hardship but it can also dull us into apathy as well. Are you ‘used to’ seeing the starving children on TV? or seeing the homeless on the streets? What about violence and war?

I wonder even if it’s possible to be ‘used to’ to inspiration. If someone inspires you through something they do… if they keep doing it, are you still as inspired? or does it merely become the ‘norm’? Can you get ‘used to’ being a good person and doing good things that it becomes habit and there’s no longer any spirit or intention behind it?

Just another random thought for the week.

Same and Different..

Yesterday, I had a session with a careers counselor. As part of my VSA package, I get some sessions with a counselor whether it be for psychological, personal or career. Although I’d no doubt get some benefit from some psychological counseling I thought that some life coaching to help me figure out what it is I want to do would be a good idea.

As we discussed the possibilities, explored my values and my fears, I was surprised to find myself saying that I was afraid of being mediocre. Upon reflection, this is a funny thing to say because it kind of contradicts with my fear of being different.

I woke up wondering if this strange dichotomy is common to kiwis or everyone in general. We want to be the same and yet we want to be different. We want to fit in and be accepted but we also want to stand out and be noticed.

A balance must be struck. I’m afraid of living a mediocre life and being a mediocre person but I don’t want to be so different that I alienate myself. It comes down to a matter of security, predictability and stability as opposed to change, growth, and excitement.

I guess it comes down to self-determination. If given the choice between the two, I’d pick different over mediocre. I guess I’ve already done that by going to Africa… but that path is uncertain and the safety and security of a well-paid job is certainly tempting. I have to keep reminding myself that I must not become complacent and stagnant. I have to keep growing somehow.

I know many people who have chosen the path of safety and stability and who are very happy about it. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what path you choose as long you are aware and that that you’re making the choice yourself rather than blindly following custom or what everyone else is doing. Maybe this is what they mean by mastery of our own lives?

Do we live in a selfish society?

I recently caught up with a friend who I had not talked to for a while and it was a good catch-up. During this time, she said one thing that’s stuck in my head because I’ve been wondering the same thing for a while.. she said that everyone was selfish and that nobody ever did anything for no reason.

As part of my series of self-reflection and improvement over the past year or so, I’ve been working on Open Honesty. I’ve never been a very good liar, at least to other people so for them, it means, not hiding or avoiding telling the truth. I am however, a very good liar when it comes to myself and I think that being brutally honest about myself to myself is an important step to growing as a person.

One of those honest truths I must question is whether or not I am motivated by selfish intentions. Is it a silly question to ask? I believe it’s important to understand your motivations. You may think it’s a strange thing for me to be thinking considering I spent two years in Africa and my upcoming Birthday Sale, but I think that these things make it even more vital to question why I am doing these things? I can‘t deny that I get a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction from being able to help people.. is that selfish?

All wise teachings and all religions point to this ultimate goal – Being truly self-less and loving unconditionally. Agape Love. I wonder if I am capable of this kind of altruism, Can I help someone without expecting anything in return? can I love someone even if I know they won’t reciprocate that love?  would I be able to sacrifice my time, my money, my heart, or my life for someone that doesn’t appreciate it? I’d like to think that I am capable of it.. but perhaps that’s just another lie I tell myself. What do you think?

The real question is not for me but for you and society in general. Is this something you aspire to? is it one of your personal goals? or am I being much too idealistic in believing that this is something that everyone is capable of? I think we all felt bad when we heard the news about Dan Carter being out of the world cup.. the question is, did you feel bad for yourself because it meant your team would have a harder time winning the world cup now without him? or did you feel bad for him, because he had worked so hard and now would miss out because of the serious injury? I have to admit, my first reaction was about the All Blacks.. but then I realised what it must mean for him personally and how guttered he must be.

I still like to believe in the moral integrity of the human race, as misplaced and misguided our actions might be. If we are capable of the ugly crimes and destruction that we see on the news, we must be equally capable of truly inspirational love. What about a mother’s love? or a friend’s loyalty? a lover’s acceptance? I remember that I once told someone I thought that we were ultimately driven by selfish intentions and now I’d have no problems is someone wanted to prove me wrong. Preferably many times, just to make a point

Hypocrite

2 months after I have come back from Tanzania, I am no more enlightened than when I first got back.. If anything I feel less so. Lately, I’ve been questioning my own value to the world and it’s been less than inspiring.

I guess part of it is that I haven’t really done much or achieved much in the last two months. I’ve been slack in catching up with people and not very good in sharing my stories. I haven’t found a job or really figured out my next step and that’s left me in transition.

Whatever it is, I’m a little underwhelmed by my own potential right now. Looking at jobs in the humanitarian sector, I feel woefully under qualified and lacking experience, while I feel I’ve fallen behind the times in terms of skills and knowledge about the rest of the world. All in all, I feel completely unprepared and not up to the task of achieving much let alone making much of a difference in the world.

Reflecting upon my life, I feel somewhat of a hypocrite. How can I help anyone else when I struggle to help myself? How can I help anyone fulfil their potential if I am unable to find my own? What have I done or achieved with my own life that qualifies me to help others with theirs? Can I truly convince people to see their own value if I struggle to find the only value in me?

I must admit to a false sense of confidence and righteousness that now seems to be so unreal. Maybe I used to have a better grasp of reality and a clearer world view.. but now it seems clouded and I feel disconnected from the reality of things. It seems everything I think and do is open to self-examination and questioning and I can’t find any satisfactory answers.

To Aid or not to Aid?

Over the past few weeks, whenever I’ve told people that I’m looking for an opportunity to go back to Africa, or that I’d like to do more humanitarian work, the general response seems to be one of surprise. I guess it’s understandable. I ask myself the same  question.. why do I want to go back?

The problems are so huge and inter-connected that it seems like an impossible task. Every time I research or read up on the topics, the enormity of even just one of the Millennium Development Goals is overwhelming. Then I think back on the hard times I had… it wasn’t the power cuts or breakdowns, it was the emotional beating you get when you see someone in need that you can’t help or the letdown when you see how ineffective Aid can be and your efforts seem like a waste of time. The wearing down that came with the constant begging and the general apathy towards life.

It’s a challenge that I think a lot of people in that line of work face. It’s demoralising when the people you are trying to help are apathetic to your efforts or even worse try to take advantage of that. Yet despite all the frustrations, I remember that it’s not about me but about the people who need my help. To remind myself of this, I recall the old man and his orange. If you had started reading my blog in the early days you would have read my story about this old man that was sitting on a tree stump in the middle of the forest.

It was still near the beginning of my assignment, not long after language school if I remember correctly, that I was running through the forest on a new path I had never explored before when I saw this old man sitting on a tree stump seemingly waiting for somebody. He saw me as I approached and waved me down and we had a bit of a chat. When he found out I was a little bit sick (I was coughing a little) he gave me an orange he had saved from his lunch. This may not seem like much, an orange was probably worth about 10cents… but taken in context it serves to remind me of the true spirit of humanitarian work.

He did not have much, but he saw a need and without hesitation acted to fill that need. He didn’t make any judgements or assumptions about me, it didn’t matter that I was a mzungu (or foreigner) or that I was much more privileged than him. It is this generosity of spirit that reminds me what it’s all about, because if an old uneducated truck driver can show that capacity to help another human being then a well-educated kiwi-asian engineer from NZ should be able to do just as much if not more.

It’s because of people like the old man and for people like him that I feel the need to help. They serve as the role models as well as the reasons for humanitarian work. If you or me can enable someone like him to a better life, imagine the impact that person could make on others and imagine what the world could be like?

The Boy in the Baobab tree

Once upon a time, there was a woman and her husband who lived underneath a giant Baobab tree. They had a small farm with fruit trees, some chickens, a cow, a goat and a vegetable patch that provided them with all the necessities they needed to survive, but as there was no-one else around for miles, it was a little bit lonely. This was especially so for the old wife who had never been able to have children and so when her husband was out working in the fields, she would often sit outside and talk to the giant Baobab tree as if it were an old friend.

The Baobab was a patient old tree and the woman’s family had lived there for generations and they had always faithfully looked after him and treated him with much respect and so he was quite fond of this old woman and wanted to help her. So one sunny day, he reached out his long root-like branches out to heaven and asked God to help the old woman.

God agreed to help but told the Baobab that he had to provide some of himself as a sacrifice in order to create a child for the woman. The old tree readily agreed, remembering all the many times the woman and her husband had cared for the ground around his roots and chased away the annoying monkeys from amongst his branches. So God took one of the Baobab’s giant roots and shaped into the form of a child.

When the old woman woke up one morning to hear the sound of a baby crying, she could hardly believe her ears, thinking that she was still dreaming but when she came outside, there was a baby boy nestled in the roots of the Baobab. The old woman instantly knew this was a gift from God and the Baobab tree and happily rushed inside with the baby boy to find some milk to feed him.

Since the old woman was now busy with the baby boy, she came less and less often to visit the old tree and what used to be a daily visit turned into weekly visits and then maybe once a month. The Baobab now became a bit lonely without the old woman to keep him company and it would have been understandable if he was a bit bitter about it. After all, he had sacrificed one of his life giving roots for the woman and while she was now happy, he had one root less and one less friend to talk to. That hardly seems fair!

Luckily, the tree was not only patient, he was also very old and had gained a lot of wisdom in his years. He understood that sometimes one had to make sacrifices for the happiness of those one cared for and one has to remember that the reason the sacrifice was made was not to gain favours but out of love and affection. The old tree also knew that while it was painful now, in the years to come the sacrifice he made would grow into a young boy who could play with him all day long and so he was content with what he had done.

Moments of Peace…

When I was in Tanzania, I had many moments when something I saw or an experience I had gave me this amazing sense of peace and contentment. An amazing sunset or an exceptionally clear night, staring at the moon across lake victoria or simply watching the colobus monkeys playing in the trees outside my house. I had many of these moments both at home and out in the bush or travelling.. those moments that instill a sense of wonder and peace and a feeling of rightness.

Tonight was the first time since I’ve been back that I’ve really had one of those moments and it was during the half time at the France vs Japan game at North Harbour stadium. On my right are the grand stands and the corporate boxes and the bright flood lights of the stadium and above them is an almost full moon partially covered by cloud. I think perhaps it’s the excitement of an awesome rugby game and the atmosphere of lively crowd consisting of French and Japanese supporters and the stark contrast with the surreal beauty of a full moon.

I wonder why it’s taken me almost 2 months to find that kind of inner peace and contentment and why it’s so difficult to attain when it seemed to easy to do in Tanzania.. and how long I can manage to hold onto that feeling. The last few weeks have been anything but peaceful for me as I’ve had a sense of unsettledness and a feeling of things just not being quite right.

Maybe it’s that I’m still in confusion over what my next step is and the lack of direction and purpose is getting to me. Maybe it’s because I am still re-settling into life back here and finding it difficult. Maybe I’ve seen too much or out-grown my place here… or maybe NZ has outgrown me? Whatever it is, I can clearly remember those moments of wonder and peace I found and I want that back. Is that too much to ask?